Everyone has that one friend that is a total ****-up. He's an embarrassment to his friends and a disappointment to his family. You know the one. Every time you go out, he’s the one that gets too drunk and throws up on the Dance Dance Revolution game at Dave & Busters, or tries to fight a bouncer down on the Southside. He’s got an older brother who’s a doctor, and a younger brother who’s a lawyer. He’s that black sheep screwed up middle child, smoking weed and drinking natty ice in the basement. He can’t get a job, and when he does he usually gets fired for doing whippets out back on his lunch break. Whenever people talk about him, you put up some feeble defense about how he’s an “alright guy” and you “just have to get to know him”.  Know a guy like that? If not, I’d like to introduce you to the Pittsburgh Pirates. 

 

The Pirates, in this analogy, are obviously made to look even worse when they are held in comparison to their doctor brother (Steelers) and their lawyer brother (Penguins). Pittsburgh’s title as City of Champions is marred by this incompetent joke of a franchise. They muddle through each season, laboring below .500, just happy when training camp starts and at least they can go back to being ignored by Pittsburgh again. 

 

Every so often, they change management and start talking about starting to change the culture of losing, and getting back to building a competitive team. We (or at least I) fall for it, like the sucker friends above when their screwup friend gets a job, and everyone starts trying to talk themselves into the fact that maybe he’s turning his life around. Within a few weeks, however, he’s back in the basement, getting drunk and playing X Box. And within a few weeks, the Pirates are back their familiar spot in the NL Central basement, dumping whatever talent they have for prospects that we’ll never see. 

 

Yes, I know that the Pirates probably didn’t have any realistic shot at the playoffs this year, with or without McClouth, Morgan, and Hinske. But I believe that they did have a shot at .500. And maybe it’s time that they shot for that. I’ve resisted the urge to say that for years now. It’s not okay to accept mediocrity, I would argue. They can’t play for 81-81, they’ve got to try to keep building for a winner. But I’ve been beaten down by too many firesales, too many Matt Morris signings, and too many Brian Bixler call-ups. I will now accept mediocrity. Hell, I will welcome it with open arms. I will throw a mediocrity party at my house to celebrate our 81^st win, and the end to one of the most embarrassing streaks in sports. You know your team is bad when fans are begging for .500. But we’re at that point.

 

By all accounts, Nyjer Morgan legitimately wanted to remain with the Pittsburgh Pirates. That in itself is astounding to me. He wanted to stay alongside McCutcheon and build a winner in Pittsburgh. He’s outperformed all expectations thus far and is loved by the fans and the media. He’s got the kind of attitude that can help a team that for over a decade and a half has gone into games, and seasons, expecting to lose. What do you do with a guy like that? Dump him for an injured player with a famously bad attitude, who has been run out of every town he’s ever played in. Of course. What else would you expect from this team?

 

Like the parents of the doctor, lawyer, and screwup, I guess we should just be proud of our two successful sons. We will do what we can with that troublesome middle child, but deep down we know they’re just going to keep screwing up. Next time he comes up with some gimmick get rich quick scheme (like, oh I don’t know, signing two pitchers from India who have never played the game of baseball before) we’ll shrug and say ‘Great Idea, maybe that will work’ and then go back to bragging to our friends about what our other two sons have been up to. And the Pittsburgh Pirates will go back to the basement to get drunk.